No Limits Ladies.com

We women are often times trusting romantics. We dream of the perfect man who will love us, sweep us off our feet to live happily ever after with. Enter reality. Men, I think, are like deals. There are many good ones out there, but they are hard to find since there are so many more bad deals. Often we are just happy to find a "deal" (aka man- sorry guys), we don't take enough time to take all the information into account to see if this "deal" is a trick or a treat.

Trick

Not turning tricks (although that may be less painful and more lucrative than a relationship with a trick of a man), but a man who is a trick. From my own experience, you can see tricky men, the signs are there from the begining if you are looking for them. Educate yourself on how to spot a dangerous or trick of a man and surround yourself with people who will tell you the truth and support you. Sometimes our upbringing may leave us predisposed to accepting certain kinds of unhealthy or tricky men into our lives. Love is blind but friends usually are not.

There are universal red flags that all women respond to when we are in the presence of a trick of a man. There are mythical assumptions about what a tricky man looks like.

Myth #1 Tricky men have dangerous jobs like being a drug dealer, they couldn't possibly be firemen, social workers, teachers or ministers. WRONG!

Myth #2 Tricky men couldn't possibly come from good families. WRONG!

Myth #3 Tricky men look tricky, not clean cut, handsome, or conservative. WRONG!

Myth #4 A Tricky man will probably only come into my life once. I've already dated one, I probably won't date another one. WRONG!

Myth #5 Tricky men aren't likely to spend a lot of time getting to know me. I've talked to this man on the phone for weeks now without going on a date with him. He couldn't possibly be a tricky man. WRONG!

Myth #6 Tricky men don't go to church, volunteer, or give to charities. WRONG!

Myth #7 Tricky men don't disclose information about themselves. The man I am interested in has told me all about himself, so he couldn't be a tricky man. WRONG!

Treat

Now, I have spent a lot of time trying to warn you against tricky men. I have met my share and even married one that turned out to be a trick instead of a treat. I'm not sure I would have recognized that though, until I met a man who opened my eyes. I didn't know these guys existed, these men who are really men- treats not tricks.

These men are not perfect, but they do their best to be men of integrity and fulfill their responsibilites, they try to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. There is nothing sexier than a man who gets it done ladies (get'r done). Hold out for these treats, these good deals, these real men.

We should not expect to be completed in anyway by these men (romantic in Jerry McGuire- but BS in real life ladies), nor should we look to them to take care of us. We should be healthy and financially stable on our own, so we don't find that we are the trick instead of the treat!

I was raised by a single mother. Most of my friends also had single moms. My mom worked hard and also went to school. We didn't have a lot of money, or home cooking- we ate regularly at Taco Bell. I spent a lot of time at babysitters and day care. I always had to ride the bus or gets rides from the friend whose mom stayed at home (that was so novel to us). I played volleyball, basketball, softball, and also was a cheerleader. My mom was rarely able to come to games unless they were on Saturday morning. She wasn't there because she was busy providing, even though we lived pay check to pay check and never had financial security.

My mom did the best she knew how to do. Although I had no intention of getting a divorce and being a single mom myself, that's what happened. (Whole other women's issues that scare me story!)

I was determined for things to be different with my kids. I had been out of the work force for a few years, I knew I did not have the skill set I needed to provide well for my kids; I couldn't have jumped into any job and ramped up that quickly. I did not want them to be in daycare while I worked long hours if I could help it, so how could I do it?

If I hadn't read Rich Dad Poor Dad( my story here), and been learning about business, investing and money, as well as surrounding myself with like minded people, I would not have been able to provide for my kids and be there for them. I am so thankful everyday for the decisions that I made and the people I have chosen for friends. I became financially free this past September through a business investment with one, so I can still be a stay at home mom.

There are so many resources today for single mothers (parents, married, etc). The internet has leveled the playing field, so I can keep in the game, from home with my kids. I work with Kim Kiyosaki developing Rich Woman (from home) because I can and I want to, not because I have to. I am still pressing on in business and investing because it gives me the greatest return for my time and money as well the freedom, flexibility and control I want.

The key is in learning how to make your money work for you, instead of working harder to make more money. What kind of life do you want? Figure out how to make it happen. Plug into a group of people (or women like us here at No Limits Ladies) who will help guide you and support you, like I did (Kimber too!) at the Rich Dad Forums.

Ladies, it doesn't matter what mistakes you have made in the past- take control of your future now, for your sake and for your children. You can be financially free as a single mom.

"There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children... one is roots, the other wings."

"Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined."

- Henry David Thoreau

Well women are certainly no strangers to "faking it". We've faked our hair color, our cup size, hell we've even faked fur. I couldn't help but wonder: Has fear of being alone suddenly raised the bar on faking? Are we faking more than orgasms? Are we faking entire relationships?

Is it better to "fake it" than be alone?

Personally this has been a fear of mine. Maybe it was because I was raised an only child by a single mother, who knows. All I know is that I see that most women struggle with this fear, whether they are in a relationship or not. Nobody wants to be lonely, although I disagree that you are nobody 'til somebody loves you. Fear of being alone, or maybe the longing for security drives many women to make poor decisions when it comes to relationships and money.

I married young, maybe because I felt like I was in love, but probably more because I didn't want to be alone. It took me a couple years and a lot of courage to make the decision to be alone as a single mother. It has taken me some time to be okay with being alone. Some days it's more difficult than others, but over all, I know that I have to be okay with it, because we are all going to be alone at some point in our lives. Better to be alone and healthy than in an relationship that is unhealthy, ya heard?

I love the conclusion that my girl Carrie came to:

I decided instead of running away from the idea of a life alone, I'd better sit down and take that fear to lunch... So I sat there and had a glass of wine alone. No books, no man, no friends, no armor, no faking.

I thought I'd chime in on E's post on How To Spot A Dangerous Man.

Gals, there are a few bad apples in that big dating barrel out there. Baddies looking for a sweet, trusting sugar momma to finance their extravagant lifestyle. Part of being smart with our money also means protecting ourselves from these baddies.

Some of the simple steps include not letting blind or even new dates pick us up at our homes, paying with cash when we’re out with our new Romeos (no peaking at credit card numbers), keeping our often more stable financial situation to our own selves, and hiding our financial info (i.e. don’t leave bank statements on the kitchen table) when we finally take these studs home.

Remember…This isn’t about trust or lack of trust. This is about being smart.

My (now) hubby appreciated my reserve. He liked that I was careful with my information because he knew that I’d be careful with his. I have yet to find a financially savvy man who didn’t think the same way.

Some great resources on this subject include J.J. Luna’s How To Be Invisible, Edmund J. Pankau’s Hide You’re A$$ets And Disappear, and Jerome Schneider’s Hiding Your Money. I can’t vouch for the more extreme actions but the lower level techniques are a must.

How To Spot A Dangerous Man is actually a book that I have already read, but I refer to from time to time, and felt it was good timing to share it during my "Women's Issues That Scare Me" series. I will be referring back to this book, site and articles from time to time, because it seems to me too often women find themselves (myself included) in trouble financially due to allowing a dangerous man into our lives.

It is important that women realize that men (or women) in our lives do not have to be physically harmful to us to be dangerous. The book descibes 8 types of dangerous men, gives defense strategies and red alert checklist for each, and includes stories of successes and failures. (Maybe I should do a couple a day? Er- that came out badly...)

I found this book incredibly compassionate while at the same time helping women take responsibility for being in the situation, or maybe even worse, returning to bad relationships over and over again, instead of learning to see the warning signs and be able to stand on our own two feet with healthy boundaries, and deal with the real issues.

As part of my "Women's Issues That Scare Me" series, I had to include some eye opening statistics and what we can do about them. I highly recommend the book Rich Woman and website Rich Woman.com for any woman who wants to increase her financial education and take control of her financial future! The following is a little more from the author and creator of Rich Woman, Kim Kiyosaki:.

The statistics about women and money are very startling. The following are U.S. statistics, yet I find that for other countries around the world these statistics are either very similar or trending in the same direction.

In the U.S.:
-47% of women over the age of 50 are single. This means they are financially responsible for themselves.

-Women's retirement income is less that that of men because a woman is away from the work force an average of 14.7 years as compared to 1.6 years for men. (Women are typically the primary care taker of the home.) This along with lower salaries, adds up to retirement benefits that are only about 1/4 of those of men. (National Center for Women and Retirement Research - NCWRR)

-50% of marriages end in divorce. And who typcially ends up with the children? The woman. So now she is solely financially responsible for herself and her children. (What is the number one thing couples fight about? Money.)

-In the first year after a divorce a woman's standard of living drops an average of 73%.

-As of 2000, women are expected to live an average of 7-10 years longer than men which means they must provide for those extra years. However married baby boomer women can expect to outlive their husbands by 15-20 years on average.

-The average female born between 1948 and 1964 may likely remain in the work force until at least 74 years of age due to inadequate financial savings and pension coverage. (NCWRR)

Of the elderly living in poverty:
-3 out of 4 are women
-80% of the women were not poor when their husbands were alive.
-Approximately 7 out of 10 women will at some point live in poverty.

What are these statistics telling us? They tell us that more and more women, especially as they become older, are not educated or prepared to take care of themselves financially. We've spent our entire lives taking care of our families but have no ability to care for ourselves in this vital way. We are weither depending on someone else to do it for us- a husband or partner, a boss, a family member, or the government. or we just figure that it will all work out. The fairy tales we grew up with were just that.

Three final statistics to consider:
1) 90% of of all women will have sole responsibility for their finances within their lifetimes...yet 79% of all women have not planned for this.

2) 58% of female baby boomers have less than $10,000 in retirement.

3) Only 20% of baby boomer women will be financially secure in their retirement. That means 80% of us will not be.

What is Rich Woman?

The “How To’s” of investing are the same for men as they are for women. What is different is many of the issues that women face when it comes to money and investing.

Rich Woman is designed to be an informative and interactive community where women come together to learn from one another, to understand where you are today financially and where you want to be… and most importantly, how to get there.

At Rich Woman you will learn how to analyze real estate deals, business deals and paper assets. You will understand how to tell good advisors from bad advisors (regardless if they’re male of female.) Plus, you'll be able to take part in what the women in this community want to learn, teach, and discuss to get us all to our goals.

What Rich Woman Is Not…

Rich Woman is not a community for women who are ambivalent about their financial lives. It is not a community for women who want to blame others for their situation. This is definitely not a platform for women who just want to complain about men. The men in your life should be allies, not enemies, in your quest. This is not a place for victims; for women who feel that life is picking on them. You cannot take control, take action and create results with a victim mentality.

Rich Woman is for the woman who has a desire to learn, as well as teach what she’s learned to other women. It is for the woman who will take action and make great things happen for herself. It is for the woman who is insistent on improving her financial world and who wants to be part of a movement that supports women all over the world in accomplishing their financial dreams.

If that is what you want then I welcome you with all my heart to Rich Woman.

Because, as I’ve said many times,

“I believe the world would be a better place if there were more Rich Women.”

Kim Kiyosaki

Yes, I freely admit I love watching the Girls Next Door. I also frequent the Girls Next Door Discussion Forums. The other day, there was a thread I found intriguing:

If Holly has a degree in Real Estate and Bridget has a Masters degree.....and Kendra is a qualified Masseuse

Then why do they feel they must have sex for a living? This is not really a put down on the girls, but isn't it a waste of an education? These women are clearly smart and therefore don't need to sell their bodies in such away.

Would they want their daughters in essence to have sex for a living?

What followed was a whole conversation (they are rough over there) about women, education and being in relationships for financial gain. Too many women, educated or not, fall into the trap of marrying or being in a relationship for money or at least some sense of financial security. I had to say my two cents (of course) and thought it was appropriate for my Women's Issues That Scare Me series:

You can be book smart or street smart or a combination of both, but if you lack self-esteem and self respect you have nothing to stand on.

Allow me a soap box if you will?

I think it's interesting that people accuse the girls of trading sex for lifestyle. What do you think many women who get married and don't work are essentially doing? Conversely, merely having an education doesn't guarantee you won't find yourself there.

I was that woman. I left that dependent lifestyle and man. Now I am financially free (don't have to work) because I learned how to make and invest my own money. (And continue to learn all the time!)

Personally, I think women have all different ways to make money, I don't really care much how they do it, but I am a firm believer that we should all make our own money and become financially independent whether single, in a relationship or married- whatever. If you've got to catch a wave and ride it- do it- but be smart and set yourself up financially. That's why I have No Limits Ladies.com - I try to help other women take control of their finances in a fun (and perhaps wild) way!