I ran across this article on the Money Myths We Inherit From Mom.
Here is an abbreviated version of the article (you can read it in full here):
Money Myths We Inherit From Mom
Talking to women about how we manage money makes it clear that our mothers are powerful financial role models -- for better or worse.
How do women learn about money? Where do we get our habits, attitudes and expectations?
Writing about the Women in Red leads me to ponder these things. It gives me the chance to observe the way many women (and not just WIR members) manage their financial lives. Or not.
And the Not is what troubles me.
In past columns I've explored the financial influence of everything from one's innermost fears to the sitcom "Friends." But there's a larger force that looms in every woman's life: Mom.
Surgeon General's warning
Don't worry, I'm not about to skewer our mothers as the source of all money woes. Nor am I saying that women in general are financially clueless. Clearly, many women are making economic progress. And kudos to them! But as far as I can tell, this rising tide isn't lifting all boats...
In the six months or so I've been focusing on where my gender is at financially, I must have interviewed 50 or 60 women across the country. And what I see depresses me. Most women I've spoken with:
* Are worried about money.
* Don't feel in control of their finances.
* Wish they knew more about saving and investing, but "don't know where to start."
And a significant number either rely on someone else to manage their money or are waiting, hoping or praying for that to happen.
Your mother, your self
It's no secret that parents play a big role in your financial development. But Harvard psychologist Carol Kauffman, Ph.D., says that women get a slew of complex messages about money as they're growing up, specifically from their mothers.
"Unlike men, women who grew up in the '60s and '70s got mixed messages from their moms -- and from society -- about whether you were supposed to be in control of your finances or wait for your husband to do it."
What also became clear, as I interviewed 13 women on this topic, was that our mothers were powerful financial role models -- whether they planned to be or not. Eight out of 13 have followed their mothers' example, even when it wasn't positive or profitable.
Three more live financial lives in direct reaction to their mothers.
Only two women seemed moderately influenced by their moms, but had managed to craft their own financial way of life.
Mothers, daughters and money
Each mother-daughter relationship is unique (right, Mom?). Still, I noticed a few maternal archetypes and the financial impact they can have:
1) The coupon-clipping mom.
2) The extravagant mom.
3) The head-in-the-sand mom.
4) The financial-dynamo mom.
Coping with your mom's money messages
You may feel a mix of things about the financial example you got from your mom (or your dad -- but we'll tackle him in a later column). Here are some tips for working with inherited money habits:
* Acknowledge your mother's influence: Whether your mom was a positive role model or not, it's important to be aware of the ways you're following in her financial footsteps or trying to be the polar opposite.
* Skip the blame: Finger-pointing won't help your finances. Seeing yourself as a separate financial person will. Brice recently watched her mother make some impulsive, short-term money moves. "I was shocked. I may not have a lot to work with myself, but I'm gaining an understanding of how to manage money -- and I know she's not doing the right thing."
* Make your own choices: There's a tendency to forget that you're not stuck with what you're raised with. Like many of the women I spoke to, (especially Brice, Beth and Anna), I'm grateful for the money skills I got from my mom. But now we're realizing that we can be even more proactive about money. And what mother wouldn't want that for her daughter?
Tomorrow...more on how to break away from the female stereotypes when it comes to money and learn how to make different choices about your financial future!