No Limits Ladies.com

My buddies tease me about having a bulldog approach to success. I work and work and work on something (or someone) until it is a win. I hear a 'but' in every no (whether expressed or not) and figure if I try hard enough it will eventually be a yes.

My technique works. I'm not the best accountant, the best investor, and certainly not the best writer, but if I stay the course, learning all the way, I'll eventually become successful in all these areas (I've already had some great successes in the first two, still trying to crack the successful author formula).

Danielle Weinstock in Can This Elephant Curtsy On Cue? Takes the same approach.

"Do not take no for an answer. This is easy to say and hard to do. But it has been proven time and again that insistence on yes is a fundamental character trait of successful people."

Did you know the average toddler hears 'no' 400 times a day? It doesn’t stop them from trying and it certainly shouldn't stop you.

Note: There is a time to quit. I set realistic goals before the project begins to help me determine when. Caution though, most people quit way too soon. Base those goals on facts, not hopes.

Danielle Weinstock makes a great point in her new book Can This Elephant Curtsy On Cue?

"Money alone is the root of a bad job choice. Live to work. It is more satisfying than toys. Have the wisdom to maintain a nest egg and the integrity to decline unfulfilling employment."

I completely agree. I've never taken a job (or left a job) based on dollars alone. Don’t get me wrong. I like to be paid well. And if I can be paid more for the same experience, I'll take that job first.

However, there has to be more. I think all of us feel this way (that's why we're not drug dealers or crossing other legal and moral boundaries).

About a decade ago, I met a man whose job was to go into failing companies as a senior executive, restructure, lay people off, and then leave. He was VERY well paid yet hated (as in death threats level of hate). I knew if I pushed myself forward, he would take me on as a protégé and train me. I passed. I didn't have the heart for it. Yes, he was performing a valued service, one that had to be done, but I wasn't equipped emotionally to deal with it.

On the flip side, I currently take on opportunities below my going rate if they are interesting enough. I'll take a cut in pay if I can learn something valuable.

Money is only one currency when evaluating your career choices.

When I was contacted about Danielle Weinstock's new book Can This Elephant Curtsy On Cue, I was skeptical. Weinstock, a film producer, is going to teach me about business? Yes, I know that the film industry is a business (I've worked for one of the big motion picture production and distribution companies) but it is a different business. Very unique and specialized (and slightly insane).

But this book isn't about business (despite the front cover). It is about career management. It is about getting hired, staying hired, and yes, getting fired.

THAT a film professional can teach (with her eyes closed or in Weinstock's case while sharing side splitting stories). The average person gets laid off two or three times. They change jobs every four years. Someone in the entertainment business can change jobs every month as they move from production to production. They either learn how to deal with career change or they don't make it.

The timing of Can This Elephant Curtsy On Cue? is unfortunately perfect. If you have a loved one looking at a possible layoff or he/she is already struggling with one, and are wondering what you can do to help, pass along this book. I know I wish I had it when I was laid off. It would have saved me some heartache.

I'll be covering a few of my favorite sections this week (my all time fave is about the Pretend Office) but I won't be doing the book justice. The wealth is in the stories and the humor (along with the big lessons).

You're likely all reading My Open Wallet anyway
(a great source of money ideas)
but in case, you're not...

I have a couple guest posts there
http://www.myopenwallet.net/2008/07/guest-post-cash-strapped-yet-seen.html
about entertainment on a budget.

And
http://www.myopenwallet.net/2008/07/guest-post-working-commute.html
about dealing with a long commute
(during working months, I commute 4 hours a day)

Yesterday morning, I went downstairs to the basement and there was a puddle of blood on the cement (the basement is unfinished, thank goodness). The freezer had been accidentally turned off for a week. Everything was spoiled.

It was a full freezer because my brother-in-law and his wife are in between houses (their old house closes this week, their new house closes in October) and we were storing all their food, mostly costly meat.

Were, because all of it is spoiled. Compost. The frugal gal in me shudders.

There are a few lessons coming out of this.

1) I have a wonderful husband.
An elderly woman in a senior citizen residence once told me that every 'disaster' a couple survives together tightens the bond. We each had our little freak out and got over it. No blame (regret though). No pointing fingers. No anger. Simply a shrug and a roll up of sleeves as we cleaned up (the hubby mopped).

2) There is a risk in doing favors.
Most of the food spoiled belonged to my brother-in-law and his wife. We tried to do a good thing by lending them our freezer space. It turned out not-so-good. They didn't say anything to us but I'm sure they said a few choice things to each other (I feel terrible about it).

3) As with my investments, I should check on the freezer more often.
I don't cook all that often so I didn't notice the freezer was off until the food was spoiled. If I had checked early, we could have saved some food.

4)Canned goods beat freezer food.
I have yet to have canned goods spoil (I never store bent cans for long, eating their contents right away). Every few years, some 'disaster' happens to my freezer contents.

I have an entry over at Fabulous Financials
about one of my fave topics,
Roadtrips.
Please drop by and check it out.

A loved one was offered voluntary severance on Friday. His company is downsizing so they sent out offers to the entire workforce asking for volunteers. He turned it down but he knows that within two years, the location will be closed and he'll be out of a job.

An overwhelming majority of people have told him to stick it out to the bitter end and then take the offer given then.

I don't think so.

Playing last man (or woman) standing is not pleasant. More and more responsibilities are placed on fewer and fewer staff (I've heard of office workers mopping floors). Everyone is tense, on edge, and snappy. Not to mention, the package offered at the end is usually quite stingy.

I told him to start looking for a new job immediately. Yes, he'd be walking away for a package but that package is designed to bridge between employment, not to be a windfall. If he finds a new job, no bridge is needed.

We’ve talked about the benefits of looking for a job while having a job before. There is no off putting smell of desperation turning employers off (employers like to hire people other employers want). The job searcher has the luxury of time and can wait for a great job, rather than settle for any job. He has some negotiation power. This translates into (usually) a higher salary. That higher salary will more than make up for any severance pay lost.

Are you sick and tired of hearing about Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and all the other bad news swirling around the Financial Blogosphere?

Then take a virtual vacation over at
http://www.queercents.com/2008/07/15/tahiti-on-the-cheap-five-ways-to-afford-a-south-pacific-paradise/
where I'm talking about ways to decrease the cost of a Tahiti vacation.

Yep, that's what I need right now.
To sit on the beach and escape.

Thanks to Nina for allowing me to guest post!!

My post yesterday reminded me how important the perception of time is. Time, in my opinion, is a far more precious resource than money. I can always earn more money. Time, once passed, is gone forever.

Here are my top 5 time management tips…

1) Harness Synergies
If I'm expending energy, I want to use that action to benefit as many other areas of my life as possible. Take travel. The hubby and I love to travel. I use the photos from our trips on our travel blog. I base many of my novels in the travel destinations. I research new products and business development for my blogs and for my contract gigs. I usually pop in on business, blog, or writing buddies or family. We bring back goods (like English chocolate) to barter and as thank you's. And we're always looking for investments.

2) Sunk Time Is Gone
Time, like money, spent in the past is not considered when making decisions about the future. I've ended blogs that I spent 3 years posting on. I'm not going to spend more of my precious time on something that isn't working and won't ever work.

3) When You Can, Delegate
There are unlimited possibilities to fill up our day. I'm very choosy about what tasks I take on. If I can delegate it for less (or the same hourly rate) and doing it myself doesn't bring me joy, I delegate. It isn't a sign of weakness but of power.

4) Do The To Do List
With the unlimited possibilities and the tempting distractions, the to do list is a must. I keep it manageable, usually with my top 5 things to do that day (ordered in importance). Then, and this is the trick, I DO it. I get it done and then no matter what happens with the rest of my day, I feel I've accomplished something

5) Rewards Come After Accomplishments
TV or recreational reading is a reward. It is like dessert. It should come after the accomplishments, the main dish, the work. Like dessert, too much makes one soft (in the head, rather than the belly)

I have a goal every summer. Over the four months, I write a novel and a novella. A book published every six months is considered the bare minimum for budding romance writers. That's me. Bare minimum.

Now you would think knowing that, I'd plan, I'd plot, I'd prepare. I have no room for a mistake, a bad manuscript. That would be smart but nope, last summer I didn't. I was cocky. I was going to be a pantser (a writer who writes by the seat of her pants). I was going to sit down and write.

I DID sit down and write (I usually do what I say I'm going to do). I spent three months out of the four (compared to the usual two) on a manuscript I call Corporate. It was a struggle. It was confusing. It was not good. I knew that but figured… hey, I can fix it.

I sent it off to my pre-editor. She didn't like it. At all. She said that although it was better than some novels she has read (i.e. wallbangers – books readers throw at the wall), it wasn't up to my usual standard. I'd disappoint readers if I published it. She suggested major changes. Get a new hero or heroine size changes.

Fine. I swallowed hard. I reread it. I considered the changes I'd have to make. Even if I fixed it, it would never be a great novel. It could only be good. With the same time, I could possibly write a great novella. So I've decided to shelf it. Yeah. It hurt.

I then talked the situation over with my publisher. I told her I'd be submitting my novella before the pre-editor looked at it so I can meet my publishing schedule. She said that was fine.

Some lessons?

Don't Cut Corners
Cutting corners in planning and preparation always shows in the final product. The final product could be good but with more upfront work, it could have been better.

Time Spent Doesn't Count
When I was deciding whether or not to rewrite the novel or write a brand new novella, I would think about the months I spent on the novel last summer. An error. Time like money, once spent, shouldn't be considered.

Negotiate Out Of A Mistake
When faced with the choice between a sub par product or a delay, most rational people will choose the delay. After explaining the situation, my publisher was understanding and happy to work with me. Communication is key.

Sharon Harvey Rosenberg shares a 'secret' in The Frugal Duchess. She doesn't drive. I swear, I dropped the book at that point. Here was a successful reporter (and we all know reporters travel constantly) and she doesn't drive.

You know what?

I don't drive either. Oh, I CAN drive. I have my license (as does Sharon). I simply don't. For a number of reasons but the main one being I'm a terrible driver. I don't pay attention. I get distracted by ads, people, gadgets. I'm dangerous (seriously) so I do the world a favor and don't drive.

I don't have to. I live in a major city with great public transportation. I have a high enough net worth to hire a driver or take a taxi if need be (hiring a driver is NOT as expensive as it sounds). I am married to an alpha male who would prefer to be the driver at all times. And I have a lot of friends who, especially if I pay for the costly gas, will drive me if I ask.

Sharon covers many of the tricks the car-less have learned but best of all, she covers the emotional issues of not driving. Namely… people think we're losers. You know… the pitying looks drivers give the people waiting at the bus stop. It isn't as bad in a big city, because who wants to pay for pricey parking downtown, but we still have to deal with snide comments at parties, etc. Yep, being car-less is pretty much an alternative lifestyle.

However, the lifestyle pays. The hubby and I have saved money only having one car. The best part though is that we're closer. We spend more time together as we drive together doing errands or commuting to work. We talk. We have the laughs. We share.

Well worth the pitying looks.

Jeepers, I only have two posts left in Frugal Duchess week and over 200 pages to cover. I won't be able to put even a dent in the information captured in this book (I heard a rumor Sharon was working on a follow up – I don't know how she has more to share 'cause this book is crammed).

I figure I'll pick the a-ha moments for me. Tips I'm implementing right away.

One of those being the freezer trick. You see the hubby and I travel a lot. We hear about power outages while we're gone. That makes me nervous when I return and take items out of the freezer. Sure that steak looks fully frozen now but was it baking in the summer heat while we were puttering around France? How's a girl to know?

Sharon tells you how a girl can know. You put a Ziploc baggy of ice cubes in the freezer (the door if you have an upright – which I can tell you, having had both an upright and a chest freezer, is worth the extra money). If you come back and the baggy is one solid lump of ice, you know the freezer has been off and likely long enough to spoil the other food.

No more playing Russian roulette with your stomach (actually I don't mind playing fast and loose with my own stomach – it is loved one's stomachs I fret about).

Oh, I have an idea for Sharon's next book. If she can figure out how to ensure people close the fridge door properly (i.e. put all the items behind the white line so it closes), I'll buy 10 of her next book ('course I will likely buy 10 of this book but we won't tell Sharon that). My fridge door is constantly left open. It drives me CRAZY!

Our city has a ban on pesticides and other nasty weed killers. The problem is… we have an interlock driveway. Grass and weeds are constantly poking through the cracks in the brick (plants are resilient, aren't they?). So what is the hubby doing? He's spraying the driveway with vinegar. It does a great job (especially combined with the sun). The best part is that it is way less expensive than the fancy outlawed weed killers.

I'm a big vinegar fan. I use it to clean (vinegar and water is the BEST at cleaning windows, and it is a superb rinse agent for the dishwasher), to bake, and clean clogged drains.

Sharon Harvey Rosenberg has an entire mini chapter in The Frugal Duchess talking about kinder, gentler, and less expensive alternatives to household cleaners and laundry room helpers. The big three being vinegar, bleach (NOT together), and baking soda (who doesn't have a box of that in the fridge?), supplies our great-grandmothers used to clean with. Yep, what is old is new again.

Oh, and she has a section on the wonders of WD-40 too. I once interviewed people for a Gallup poll sponsored by WD-40, gathering tips on how they use that stuff. Did you know that some folks (mostly manly men puttering around the garage) use it to help with their arthritis? They rub it on their joints. Now, I don't know if I would do THAT but there are some other great uses.

I didn't think I'd get anything from the chapter in Sharon Harvey Rosenberg's The Frugal Duchess about furniture. I mean, I am the QUEEN of used furniture shopping. The hubby and I joke that there is a tiny blemish on every single piece in the house (often underneath table tops).

Well, I was wrong.

There were the basics like avoiding glued 'joints' and particle board but there was also this simple tip I wished I had known a decade ago...

"drawers of poorly-made furniture typically lack guides - the tracks that smoothly open and close the drawers." Specifically she advises to look for wood and metal guides.

Doesn't that make shopping for used (or even new) furniture easier? I used to spend hours looking at joints. Is it a dovetail (good)? Is that veneer (bad)? When really if the manufacturer doesn't even have guides installed, they aren't going to have quality joints.

Another aha moment was the bit about couch cushions and checking the cushion seams. "If the seams have become flattened or if the cushion appears to sag, don't buy the piece." How many times have you bought a couch only to have the cushions flat as a crepe (smothered with Nutella and crushed almonds) a year or two later? Yep, I've done that too. A quick test of the cushions would have prevented that bad buy (s).

Okay, I'm doing better. Two posts in and I've covered a page of the 229 page book.

Okay, I'm half way through Sharon Harvey Rosenberg's new book, aptly called The Frugal Duchess, and I could honestly have Frugal Duchess year here on NoLimitsLadies, there is so much information crammed into one book.

And I'm not just saying that because I was shocked and pleased to be featured on Page 8 (marketing tip to Sharon, you might want to tell people when they're in a book – though it made my Saturday night, I spent it calling everyone I knew).

If you like Tightwad Gazette, if you like Mary Hunt's (early) books, or if you simply like great stories about family and friends paired with good money management tips, you'll love this book. I've already put orders in for more copies.

Anyhoo… The Frugal Duchess is more than saving money. Sharon has tips on things like, well, handling a second job.

For example: She suggests storing the clothes or uniform for that second job in a locker or the car to speed up the transition between jobs.

I remember changing in the car as my Mom drove me from place to place. I was a sports gal (a figure skater) and one of six kids so nudity didn't bother me. We'd get locked out of locker rooms and have to change in hallways (sort of like runway models but with way bigger thighs).

My hubby uses that trick now. He always has an extra suit with shirt and tie in the trunk of the car. How many times have you been told of an afternoon meeting with the exec team while dressed inappropriately? I know that has happened to me more than once (bad day for the hot pants).

Hhhmmm… great. I've covered one line in the book. I promise to do better tomorrow but seriously, this is one book you'll want to pick up.

One of the big projects for this summer was to fresh up our house's entrance way, specifically the door. The door hadn't been painted in 10 years. The paint was chipping. The white looked a bit yellow. In other words, yuck.

All last year, we looked for a replacement door. We were thinking about going with one of those wrought iron doors with the glass inserts but we couldn't decide on the style, the price, and a list of other things.

So we had a few choices… we could rush our decision on the dream door, we could simply replace our door with another cheapie version, or we could paint it.

We decided to paint it. For $20 (we had coupons) and some elbow grease, we figure we've stretched the life of our door by a few years. That should be time enough to decide on a replacement and haggle for the best deal on it. We figure we'll save more than the $20 having the luxury of time and the negotiation strength.

Success Magazine has drafted a list of 27 tools for success.

Some of them I very much agree with. Friends? Yep, they can make or break you. A supportive group of success minded friends (not the same as like minded – it actually helps if they are in different fields with different interests) can make or break you. A back up or external drive (or I usually email files to myself)? That baby came in handy recently when my computer… well, had technical challenges (literally). I was able to take my back up manuscript off my email and work on it on another computer (the hubby is in the computer consulting industry, we have quite a few computers).

Some of them are gender specific. The good pair of dress shoes? Essential for a male (the author is male). Especially a timeless style that can be soled and resoled time and time again. For women? Not so much. Styles change so often. Heck, we often wear different pairs with each outfit. Plunking a lot of money down on a pair of shoes doesn't make sense.

A couple I don’t agree with at all. Netflix? Please. I haven't rented a movie in a few years. If I absolutely need to see a movie, I borrow from a friend (see the friends line). If I love a movie (like the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice), I'll put it on my gift list. Another is the camera. Most phones have cameras built in (and using the phone is a lot more subtle for those secret shops). I only use my separate camera during vacations when I'm taking a lot of photos.

But I did enjoy reading the list. It really got me thinking what was important and what wasn't.

When my hubby does something for us, it can be as small as loading the dishwasher, I thank him. I often also tell him he's doing a great job. He does the same for me.

It may seem silly, two married people thanking each other for everyday tasks (after 15 happy years together), until you think about what we're doing.

We're showing appreciation. We're telling the other person 'hey, I noticed. I noticed and although you didn't have to do that, you did and I appreciate it.' If you listen to Dr. Phil (and I don't suggest you do that often, his shows are usually a real downer), you'll hear appreciation come up time and time again as a reason for relationship issues. We don't appreciate our spouse. We don't appreciate our parents. We don't appreciate ourselves.

By showing appreciation, we are also making a mental note. It is easy to 'forget' all the great things our significant others do for us. By verbalizing the thank you, we're more likely to remember. I've caught myself thinking 'I seem to be constantly thanking the hubby today' then I realize (usually moments later) 'hey, he's really working hard.' I know, I can be a bit slow at times, not always making the connection.

I figure that if a complete stranger warrants a thank you, a loved one deserves at least that for doing the same thing.

Oh, yeah, rereading this, I realized I used another 'trick' for a happy relationship. When we talk about our time together, we always say 'happy' years. Has every minute of every day been happy? Of course not. But by saying 'happy' years, it automatically conditions our brains to think of them as happy years. Words are powerful folks. Use them to create the world you want to live in.

The hubby and I took his brothers and sister-in-law to Ponderosa on Saturday. We love Ponderosa because we usually eat the buffet and then pack the meal for the next day. It's kind of like eating out twice.

It is also a sentimental pick as both the hubby and I have fond memories of childhood meals at Ponderosa. My Grandparents used to take my Mom and the six kids (myself included) to Ponderosa at least once a year. This was a big deal as it was our only sit down restaurant meal (I'd have the fish and chips, now I have the sirloin tips). My hubby's parents used to take him and the other brothers there on no-cook Saturdays (the hubby's Mom doesn't cook dinner on Saturdays) if they had a coupon (if they didn't, it was KFC).

Anyhoo…

It comes to leaving a tip. The hubby and I, since we paid, also left the tip, a generous tip. Both of us have worked in service before. Both of us have tried to survive on minimum wage before (we did it by working multiple jobs). We know that people making minimum wage work as hard (or harder) than people making 100k a year. We figure if we're fortunate enough to be going out to dinner or traveling (staying in hotel rooms), we're fortunate enough to share the wealth. I also like the notion of helping people who are obviously helping themselves.

Yep, we had quite a few reasons. Why? Because we constantly have to defend our choice. This situation was no different. The rest of the party was more conservative in their tipping. I don't think we convinced them to change their views but they did seem to accept that we had a base for our own choice.

My next door neighbor is selling her house. Being nosy, we, of course, looked up the listing. Yikes. The house is larger than ours on an even proportionately larger lot yet is listed for way below our city property tax assessment value. A number we thought was conservative.

We were in shock. Then we were angry. And after that, rational thought kicked in.

We don't plan on selling our house any time soon (as in, we'd have to be dead for the house to be sold). Our house is still worth way more than we paid for it originally (we bought when property values in our area were in the dumper also). We don't have a mortgage (no worries about a lender wanting us to pay the difference). And there is always the consideration that the newly listed neighbor's house might, just might sell for over asking (that is a small hope).

But we are taking action. We're talking to the city to have our house reassessed, using the neighbor's listing as "proof." If our property value is tanking, we might as well have the (very) small benefit of having our property taxes reduced also.

Bankrate recently posted an article on the 12 new 'necessities' that drain your cash.

They are;

1. Daily latte
2. Cable TV
3. Manicure/pedicure
4. Botox
5. Bottled water
6. Second car
7. Cell phone
8. Lawn service
9. Clothes
10. Private School
11. Childhood parties
12. Pet grooming/walking

Okay, I come from the country. The last one about pet grooming makes me smile. I could imagine what my uncles would say about that. 'God gave your dog hair. Let him keep it.' Or something like that.

And my hubby is our lawn service. Part of the manly man club in the neighborhood. Everyone cuts their grass basically on the same day (if you don't, your lawn looks shaggy by comparison) and then stand around talking about their mowers. A friend (female obviously) suggested, with the high gas prices, we get a manual mower. I laughed. I think he'd give up our only car first.

I digress.

We all have our indulgences. I don’t think there's anything wrong with that, as long as we can afford them AND we recognize them as that. I love chocolate. I happily spend some of my allowance on chocolate (and then, even happier, eat it). But I know that if we were ever in a pickle (I don't know where that phrase comes from, but I use it because my Mom uses it), my chocolate would have to go. It is NOT a necessity

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil's new book Financial Infidelity is crammed full of good advice. I think the title does the book a disservice, putting the emphasis on the negative. Most of the book is about building and maintaining strong relationships with a special focus on the often overlooked financial aspect.

For example: Her 10 rules for fighting fair

1. Ask permission
2. If your partner is not ready to talk, reschedule without 24 hours
3. Put time limits on fighting (the age old advice… don't go to bed angry)
4. Do not ignore your partner
5. Use "I" sentences, rather than "You" sentences (important for any critique type situation)
6. Echo what you hear and validate your partner's feelings (good listening)
7. Emphasize.
8. Be honest, without being hurtful.
9. Detach from your emotions.
10. Before, during, and after each fight, practice attachment skills (lovingly touch your partner when make a point)

These 10 rules can be applied to any fight (well, maybe it is best if you don't lovingly touch your boss during a fight but you can use positive body language, like sitting with your arms open, and palms up).

Learning how to fight well is SO important for relationships. Of course, this is just the summary. The book puts more detail into fair fighting techniques.

One interesting and unique situation that Bonnie Eaker Weil addresses in her book Financial Infidelity is when the woman earns more than the man.

I've earned more than the hubby. Actually, being a year older than the hubby and having skipped grades, I went an entire year earning a full time salary while he was in school (while we were dating). He would joke and call me his sugar momma but I know it was challenging for him to deal with.

What are some of Bonnie's tips for dealing with this?

Women should watch their pronouns, using 'our' money, rather than 'my' money. I do this right now with the novels. It is 'our' writing acknowledging his financial and time sacrifices (and the countless cans of beans he's eaten).

They should be open and not neglect talking about work. Work is a huge part of the day. To not share that is to keep a large chunk of yourself back.

They should work as a team, not controlling or making unilateral spending decisions.

Men should have a guilt-free spending fund. They should focus on the positives. See her making more money as increasing his lifestyle.

She suggests that couple take turns paying the bills or pay them together. Okay, she must not have met my hubby. He may glance at the bills (especially 'cussing at the one for the internet) but the actual mechanics of paying the bills? Not interested. Thank goodness for auto withdrawal.

One of the great checklists found in the book Financial Infidelity by Bonnie Eaker Weil is the "At Risk" times in every relationship. Wowsers, this is one to tear out and post by the computer.

When are the high risk times?

Work Life

- Job changes: being fired or leaving to start a new job
- Significant change in compensation due to promotion, especially for women
- Retirement
- Work-related traveling
- Change in household career dynamic (from two incomes to one or vice versa) such as the man deciding to stay home and become "Mr. Mom," while the woman becomes the major wage earner
- Increase in professional responsibilities; being a workaholic

Family Life

- Purchase of a new home/sale of an old one
- Downsizing of home
- Children attending nursery school, private school, or college
- Recent large purchase (boat, house, luxury car)
- Empty nest
- Birth of child
- Illness, medical expenses, or death of parent/child
- Fertility treatments

Personal Life

- Changes in relationship status
- Problems with alcohol or drugs
- Decade birthday
- Midlife crisis or "burnout"
- Significant change in investments (increase or decrease)
- Inheritance or disinheritance
- Desire for postnup, prenup, or no-nup

Are you currently in one of these very, very stressful places? Then extra time and care should be spent on your oh-so-important relationship. Remember an ounce of prevention...

I've been reading Financial Infidelity by Bonnie Eaker Weil. Disagreements about money is the number one reason for divorce. Weil offers a seven step plan to help prevent this.

My favorite parts of this book are the sections on what a person says and what a person really means. Many of them are oh-so-true and really make you think.

Take this one

What she says: "You said we couldn't afford a vacation to Europe and now you've bought season basketball tickets without telling me."

What she may mean: "I can't trust you and you're selfish."

Now, isn't that the truth? At least about the selfish bit (I DO trust my hubby). I've found myself thinking similarly thing from time to time. Like when my hubby makes that straggled noise as I look at the pricey dessert menu and then days later, buys new rims for the car (that we have yet to take possession of).

In my mind, the two purchases are connected. In my hubby's? Not. At all. The dessert is a fleeting indulgence while the rims he knows he can resell (because he got such a bargain) at the purchase price or more. Of course the key here is communication.

As Weil states

"Don't 'decide; what your partner's actions or inactions mean by 'mind reading,' Even if you've been married twenty years, don't assume you 'know' what your partner is thinking. Practice nonjudgmental fact-finding."

In other words, ask.

Over the next couple days, I'll be digging into this book, exploring the different concepts and strategies.

I'm guest blogging on Coffee Time Romance this week.

At first I had a list of possible blog topics I thought I could cover, general topics tying into Breach Of Trust like travel and food, things any reader could comment on.

That wasn't what the host wanted. Why? Because just as any reader could comment on those topics, any author could cover them. What she was interested in was my specific blend of business and romance. That's what makes me special. That's what makes my novels unique.

It was a light bulb moment for me. For months, I've been struggling with this blog. I do like talking about personal finance but I don't know. I find myself covering all the same topics the other bloggers are covering. I'm missing that special contribution. What I can give to the personal finance blogging world that no one else can.

I'll have to think about this for a bit. Hopefully by the fall (back to the contract gig time), I'll have found my groove.

Until then, think about what you're doing, either in your own business or your job. What can you offer that no one else can? What special something do you have to contribute?

I may be frugal but I still use credit cards. I use them for business and I use them for personal. I have a couple 'rules' for credit cards. I don't use them for anything that hasn't been budgeted for. I also don't use them for things like groceries.

And I reconcile them every month.

How do I do this? Easily?

I have an accordion file where I keep monthly bills. The credit card receipts go into a separate compartment. One compartment per credit card. Then when I receive my statement, I match each line on the credit card statement with the receipt. If all goes well, I staple everything together and happily pay the bill (well, not happily, more like dutifully).

In a perfect world, that is what would happen.

I'm not perfect and neither is the world. So I usually have a few lines unaccounted for. If I'm lucky, I can figure the charge out. I check to ensure that it wasn't billed the previous month (that happens). If that wasn't the case, I write the explanation on the statement and move forward.

If I don't know what the charge is for, I'll call either the credit card company or the vendor listed (if the vendor is clear). Most times, I'll then remember what I purchased. If I still don't know, I'll ask the vendor for a copy of the receipt. If after all that, I still have no clue (and don't recognize my own siggy on the receipt), I'll work with my credit card company to contest it.

The hubby and I recently returned from a trek around Europe. During this trek, we popped in on one of the hubby's honorary uncles (not really a relative, a long time family friend) in London. He's been retired for 25 years.

Yep, you read that right. 25 years.

That's a long time, almost longer than he worked. It isn't a fluke that, despite never having a huge income while working, he's having a comfortable retirement. He was smart about it. He planned for it and he planned to live on less than the income produced by his investments. Today, he has enough cash flow to re-invest some of those dividends.

Because that's what he's invested in. Solid stocks with a constant flow of dividends. It isn't glamorous. It isn't sexy. It won't make you a millionaire overnight. But it should give you a lasting stream of income to live well on.

Another way to sum up his investment strategy is to talk about how he indulges in his one big vice, gambling. He bets on the horses. No. That's not right. He bets on the jockeys. He has noticed that the best jockeys like to win (go figure). They also have their choice of horses to ride. So he bets on the best jockeys. And he wins.

How do you plan to win?

When a buddy offered me a copy of Predicting Technology by Thomas E Vass, I was excited. As I'm in new business development, predicting the future of technology would come in extremely handy. Technology drives other innovation. Everything is connected.

Unfortunately, this book was not. Handy, that is. I'm thinking Vass must know what he's talking about, supposedly he is "one of the top 100 private managers in the country." I simply could not understand what he was saying. It is written like a textbook, has 40 pages of attributions to other works, and some of the longest words ever used in business. I also found statements like "Most entrepreneurs come from the ranks of the unemployed, the outsourced, the down-sized and the laid-offs" almost offensive.

Hhhhmmm... well, maybe he's right there. (Grinning) Maybe the reason I can't understand it, is because I'm one of those unemployable ranks (though I seem to land contract gigs quite easily).

But a great lesson from this book is to match your communication with your target market. Accord to Vass' website, this book is targeted to entrepreneurs. Yet most of the suggestions are aimed towards influencing government. It isn't written in a language the average "unemployable" entrepreneur could understand. And it doesn't respect the resource (time) entrepreneurs have least of.

I don't doubt this will be an influential book. I'm simply going to wait for the Vass for Dummies version.

Oh, if anyone else has read this book and could summarize it in everyday English, I would appreciate knowing about it.

I wrote the book (s), sent them out, and guess what? I got rejected. Over and over and over. Well written but too niche. No one wants business with their romance. Business isn't sexy (yep, I gasped at that one too). Rejection is a huge part of the business (and of life).

You know why Joseph Heller's novel Catch-22 was called that? Because it was rejected 22 times. Alex Hailey, author of Roots, received 200 rejections. Call Of The Wild's Jack London received over 600 rejections. If you want to be a published writer, you will get rejected. Guaranteed.

And then there are the critics. I've been criticized by people who haven't even read the book (they say it is too sexy based on the cover, well, it is sexy but since when are exposed legs too sexy???). I've been told that it must not be good enough for the big publishers (being so niche, it won't sell enough copies for the large publishers, is that the same thing as not good enough?). Oh, and there are a LOT of eBook haters out there (as though offering the novel in that format is my personal vendetta against print).

That's why my Why was so important. When all the negativity beat me down, I revisited it. I enjoyed writing Breach of Trust, nothing could take away that wonderful experience. The extreme reactions proved I was providing a different read for romance lovers. I did expose, based on fan mail, business lessons to non-business people. Check. Check. Check. I accomplished my Why.

The problem with 81% of us wanting to write a book is that very few people will take you seriously when you say you're actually doing it. They immediately slot you into the dreamer category or worse, will gleefully tell you why you'll never make it (very much like entrepreneurship).

No. That's why THEY never made it. It has nothing to do with you.

That's why you need your cheerleaders. I had to recruit and train mine.

I sat my hubby down and said "I'm writing a book. It is important to me. I'm going to be facing a lot of rejection. What I need from you is 100% support. No suggestions. No criticisms. Just 'you can do it, I believe in you,' over and over and over again."

I don't even let my hubby read my novels. I need him to be 100% on my side and that's easier with him not having read the book (because the brain automatically suggests ways it can be better).

Another helpful tactic is to have timelines. My screenwriter brother sends a script out every Christmas. It is more a gift to himself than to others. He knows he has that self imposed deadline. It forces him to produce. I have publishing deadlines now (if I want to hit my 2 books a year) but before that, I'd also tell myself that I need to get book 1 to the critique service by x date. That way, I didn't get stuck in the editing death spiral.

Although Breach Of Trust is 258 pages, the first novel I ever wrote was around 400 pages. I was working full time when I wrote that first novel. Actually more than full time. I was working crazy hours. I was newly married. I had side businesses. Time sucks all over the place.

So how did I do it?

I took the advice of most professional writers and wrote my "quota" a day (mine was 250 words or one page). Good, bad, or brilliant, I wrote that page. If I had extra time/energy, I went back and revised or changed but I always wrote that page. You write a page a day and you'll finish a novel a year. Dream (of writing a book) accomplished. One page a day.

Did I write that page while sitting in complete silence in my home office?

Laughing hysterically. No. No. No. I didn't have that sort of time (remember the working crazy hours part?). I wrote it long hand while sitting on the bus or waiting for the hubby or in line at the grocery store. I kid you not. Why? Because this dream was important to me.

That first book was horrible but I finished it. I never said I'd write a great book, simply that I'd write a book. The second was better. The third even better than that. The fourth was Breach of Trust and my fifth, Invisible, is even better.

Ramit had a great post a while back on how everyone (81% of us) wants to write a book. Well, it has been over a month since my first book launch and over this week, I thought I'd share some of my lessons learned.

Today, I'm covering the Why. Why did I want to write a book? This is important because writing a book and getting it published is a long, rejection-filled process. Without a strong enough why (or better yet, multiple why's), I would have quit along the way and that would have been a waste of any of my time previously invested.

I had multiple why's. I've always enjoyed writing. I loved reading romances and wanted to give back to the community I have taken so much enjoyment from. I noticed the lack of romances about business people who loved being business people and I knew with my experience, I could sneak in real business lessons into the novels (my favorite feedback has been from romance readers who knew nothing about business). This would further my larger goal of helping to educate other women about business (as I was educated by my own mentors).

I was in a great place to test this concept (jury is still out on whether it will be successful though my publisher seems happy with the results). I didn't need the money and could devote the time to promotion.

You see, there isn't a lot of money in writing books. There are some exceptions but those exceptions are usually because the books have been sold to film (like Harry Potter). Money is a poor motivator anyway (for business start ups also). There has to be something bigger.

We are often told that location, location, location is the most important aspect of real estate. This holds true with travel. Location has a big influence on cost.

Look At All Costs

We were going on a road trip and had a choice between Manhattan and Chicago. The cost of getting there was the same. The meals similar. Then we looked at two things, hotel and parking. Ouch. The cheaper by far (for this specific weekend) was Chicago.

Be Flexible - Location

The hubby and I wanted to do a cruise. We thought… no brainer, the Caribbean would be the cheapest. The flight was shorter and the ports less expensive. No actually. All costs included a week on the Mediterranean was a fraction of the cost. Yes. That shocked both the hubby and myself also.

And the cruise on the Mediterranean is less expensive than a week in Vegas. Again. Who would have thought it?

Be Flexible – Timing

If you're stuck