I've been reading Financial Infidelity by Bonnie Eaker Weil. Disagreements about money is the number one reason for divorce. Weil offers a seven step plan to help prevent this.
My favorite parts of this book are the sections on what a person says and what a person really means. Many of them are oh-so-true and really make you think.
Take this one
What she says: "You said we couldn't afford a vacation to Europe and now you've bought season basketball tickets without telling me."
What she may mean: "I can't trust you and you're selfish."
Now, isn't that the truth? At least about the selfish bit (I DO trust my hubby). I've found myself thinking similarly thing from time to time. Like when my hubby makes that straggled noise as I look at the pricey dessert menu and then days later, buys new rims for the car (that we have yet to take possession of).
In my mind, the two purchases are connected. In my hubby's? Not. At all. The dessert is a fleeting indulgence while the rims he knows he can resell (because he got such a bargain) at the purchase price or more. Of course the key here is communication.
As Weil states
"Don't 'decide; what your partner's actions or inactions mean by 'mind reading,' Even if you've been married twenty years, don't assume you 'know' what your partner is thinking. Practice nonjudgmental fact-finding."
In other words, ask.
Over the next couple days, I'll be digging into this book, exploring the different concepts and strategies.