No Limits Ladies.com

My next door neighbor is selling her house. Being nosy, we, of course, looked up the listing. Yikes. The house is larger than ours on an even proportionately larger lot yet is listed for way below our city property tax assessment value. A number we thought was conservative.

We were in shock. Then we were angry. And after that, rational thought kicked in.

We don't plan on selling our house any time soon (as in, we'd have to be dead for the house to be sold). Our house is still worth way more than we paid for it originally (we bought when property values in our area were in the dumper also). We don't have a mortgage (no worries about a lender wanting us to pay the difference). And there is always the consideration that the newly listed neighbor's house might, just might sell for over asking (that is a small hope).

But we are taking action. We're talking to the city to have our house reassessed, using the neighbor's listing as "proof." If our property value is tanking, we might as well have the (very) small benefit of having our property taxes reduced also.

Bankrate recently posted an article on the 12 new 'necessities' that drain your cash.

They are;

1. Daily latte
2. Cable TV
3. Manicure/pedicure
4. Botox
5. Bottled water
6. Second car
7. Cell phone
8. Lawn service
9. Clothes
10. Private School
11. Childhood parties
12. Pet grooming/walking

Okay, I come from the country. The last one about pet grooming makes me smile. I could imagine what my uncles would say about that. 'God gave your dog hair. Let him keep it.' Or something like that.

And my hubby is our lawn service. Part of the manly man club in the neighborhood. Everyone cuts their grass basically on the same day (if you don't, your lawn looks shaggy by comparison) and then stand around talking about their mowers. A friend (female obviously) suggested, with the high gas prices, we get a manual mower. I laughed. I think he'd give up our only car first.

I digress.

We all have our indulgences. I don’t think there's anything wrong with that, as long as we can afford them AND we recognize them as that. I love chocolate. I happily spend some of my allowance on chocolate (and then, even happier, eat it). But I know that if we were ever in a pickle (I don't know where that phrase comes from, but I use it because my Mom uses it), my chocolate would have to go. It is NOT a necessity

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil's new book Financial Infidelity is crammed full of good advice. I think the title does the book a disservice, putting the emphasis on the negative. Most of the book is about building and maintaining strong relationships with a special focus on the often overlooked financial aspect.

For example: Her 10 rules for fighting fair

1. Ask permission
2. If your partner is not ready to talk, reschedule without 24 hours
3. Put time limits on fighting (the age old advice… don't go to bed angry)
4. Do not ignore your partner
5. Use "I" sentences, rather than "You" sentences (important for any critique type situation)
6. Echo what you hear and validate your partner's feelings (good listening)
7. Emphasize.
8. Be honest, without being hurtful.
9. Detach from your emotions.
10. Before, during, and after each fight, practice attachment skills (lovingly touch your partner when make a point)

These 10 rules can be applied to any fight (well, maybe it is best if you don't lovingly touch your boss during a fight but you can use positive body language, like sitting with your arms open, and palms up).

Learning how to fight well is SO important for relationships. Of course, this is just the summary. The book puts more detail into fair fighting techniques.

One interesting and unique situation that Bonnie Eaker Weil addresses in her book Financial Infidelity is when the woman earns more than the man.

I've earned more than the hubby. Actually, being a year older than the hubby and having skipped grades, I went an entire year earning a full time salary while he was in school (while we were dating). He would joke and call me his sugar momma but I know it was challenging for him to deal with.

What are some of Bonnie's tips for dealing with this?

Women should watch their pronouns, using 'our' money, rather than 'my' money. I do this right now with the novels. It is 'our' writing acknowledging his financial and time sacrifices (and the countless cans of beans he's eaten).

They should be open and not neglect talking about work. Work is a huge part of the day. To not share that is to keep a large chunk of yourself back.

They should work as a team, not controlling or making unilateral spending decisions.

Men should have a guilt-free spending fund. They should focus on the positives. See her making more money as increasing his lifestyle.

She suggests that couple take turns paying the bills or pay them together. Okay, she must not have met my hubby. He may glance at the bills (especially 'cussing at the one for the internet) but the actual mechanics of paying the bills? Not interested. Thank goodness for auto withdrawal.

One of the great checklists found in the book Financial Infidelity by Bonnie Eaker Weil is the "At Risk" times in every relationship. Wowsers, this is one to tear out and post by the computer.

When are the high risk times?

Work Life

- Job changes: being fired or leaving to start a new job
- Significant change in compensation due to promotion, especially for women
- Retirement
- Work-related traveling
- Change in household career dynamic (from two incomes to one or vice versa) such as the man deciding to stay home and become "Mr. Mom," while the woman becomes the major wage earner
- Increase in professional responsibilities; being a workaholic

Family Life

- Purchase of a new home/sale of an old one
- Downsizing of home
- Children attending nursery school, private school, or college
- Recent large purchase (boat, house, luxury car)
- Empty nest
- Birth of child
- Illness, medical expenses, or death of parent/child
- Fertility treatments

Personal Life

- Changes in relationship status
- Problems with alcohol or drugs
- Decade birthday
- Midlife crisis or "burnout"
- Significant change in investments (increase or decrease)
- Inheritance or disinheritance
- Desire for postnup, prenup, or no-nup

Are you currently in one of these very, very stressful places? Then extra time and care should be spent on your oh-so-important relationship. Remember an ounce of prevention...

I've been reading Financial Infidelity by Bonnie Eaker Weil. Disagreements about money is the number one reason for divorce. Weil offers a seven step plan to help prevent this.

My favorite parts of this book are the sections on what a person says and what a person really means. Many of them are oh-so-true and really make you think.

Take this one

What she says: "You said we couldn't afford a vacation to Europe and now you've bought season basketball tickets without telling me."

What she may mean: "I can't trust you and you're selfish."

Now, isn't that the truth? At least about the selfish bit (I DO trust my hubby). I've found myself thinking similarly thing from time to time. Like when my hubby makes that straggled noise as I look at the pricey dessert menu and then days later, buys new rims for the car (that we have yet to take possession of).

In my mind, the two purchases are connected. In my hubby's? Not. At all. The dessert is a fleeting indulgence while the rims he knows he can resell (because he got such a bargain) at the purchase price or more. Of course the key here is communication.

As Weil states

"Don't 'decide; what your partner's actions or inactions mean by 'mind reading,' Even if you've been married twenty years, don't assume you 'know' what your partner is thinking. Practice nonjudgmental fact-finding."

In other words, ask.

Over the next couple days, I'll be digging into this book, exploring the different concepts and strategies.

If I could only buy one book this summer, it would be...

The Frugal Duchess
by
Sharon Harvey Rosenberg

Ha! Betcha thought I was going to say Breach Of Trust, right? Nope. (Despite it getting great reviews.) Because Breach Of Trust is about business building. It should put dollars in your pocket tomorrow. The Frugal Duchess will put dollars in your pocket today.

I can say that without having yet read the book (my copy is on order with Amazon). Why? Because I've read Sharon's blog for the past, umm..., four years, has it been? Yep, something like that. I know we'll get a good return on our purchase price because she packs that much value into a single blog post.

Anyway, once my copy of The Frugal Duchess gets delivered, I'll start yapping about it, so if you want to join in the discussion, heck, if you want to save money and get a few laughs while doing so, grab yourself a copy too!

As the hubby and I were traveling through Europe, I kept an eye on business fashion trends. One?

Cufflinks.

Remember when every man wore those? (Grinning) Then you are likely older than I am. As a kid, I would find them at garage sales and not know what they were. Ignorant me thought they were some sort of strange clip on earring.

Now I do know. Most of the Jermyn Street shirts the hubby picked up in London charity shops (along with some awesome suits) use them. The issue is that the hubby loses cufflinks (and cellphones and car keys and…) and I have (wincing) a tendency to put them through the wash, never to see them again.

What's a girl to do?

Tell all her yard sale haunting friends and family to look out for them. My Mom has been going out every weekend to estate sales and picking them up at bargain basement prices. That's because not many men in North America use them yet most have one or two sets in their collection.

Yeah, I know what you entrepreneur minded readers are thinking. A possible mad money opp. I agree. I think there's some money to be made.

I also have her looking for what the hubby calls bones but what others call collar stays. These permanent ones (brass or ivory or…) are a much needed replacement for the cheapie ones found in even American shirts.

I'm guest blogging on Coffee Time Romance this week.

At first I had a list of possible blog topics I thought I could cover, general topics tying into Breach Of Trust like travel and food, things any reader could comment on.

That wasn't what the host wanted. Why? Because just as any reader could comment on those topics, any author could cover them. What she was interested in was my specific blend of business and romance. That's what makes me special. That's what makes my novels unique.

It was a light bulb moment for me. For months, I've been struggling with this blog. I do like talking about personal finance but I don't know. I find myself covering all the same topics the other bloggers are covering. I'm missing that special contribution. What I can give to the personal finance blogging world that no one else can.

I'll have to think about this for a bit. Hopefully by the fall (back to the contract gig time), I'll have found my groove.

Until then, think about what you're doing, either in your own business or your job. What can you offer that no one else can? What special something do you have to contribute?

I may be frugal but I still use credit cards. I use them for business and I use them for personal. I have a couple 'rules' for credit cards. I don't use them for anything that hasn't been budgeted for. I also don't use them for things like groceries.

And I reconcile them every month.

How do I do this? Easily?

I have an accordion file where I keep monthly bills. The credit card receipts go into a separate compartment. One compartment per credit card. Then when I receive my statement, I match each line on the credit card statement with the receipt. If all goes well, I staple everything together and happily pay the bill (well, not happily, more like dutifully).

In a perfect world, that is what would happen.

I'm not perfect and neither is the world. So I usually have a few lines unaccounted for. If I'm lucky, I can figure the charge out. I check to ensure that it wasn't billed the previous month (that happens). If that wasn't the case, I write the explanation on the statement and move forward.

If I don't know what the charge is for, I'll call either the credit card company or the vendor listed (if the vendor is clear). Most times, I'll then remember what I purchased. If I still don't know, I'll ask the vendor for a copy of the receipt. If after all that, I still have no clue (and don't recognize my own siggy on the receipt), I'll work with my credit card company to contest it.

The hubby and I recently returned from a trek around Europe. During this trek, we popped in on one of the hubby's honorary uncles (not really a relative, a long time family friend) in London. He's been retired for 25 years.

Yep, you read that right. 25 years.

That's a long time, almost longer than he worked. It isn't a fluke that, despite never having a huge income while working, he's having a comfortable retirement. He was smart about it. He planned for it and he planned to live on less than the income produced by his investments. Today, he has enough cash flow to re-invest some of those dividends.

Because that's what he's invested in. Solid stocks with a constant flow of dividends. It isn't glamorous. It isn't sexy. It won't make you a millionaire overnight. But it should give you a lasting stream of income to live well on.

Another way to sum up his investment strategy is to talk about how he indulges in his one big vice, gambling. He bets on the horses. No. That's not right. He bets on the jockeys. He has noticed that the best jockeys like to win (go figure). They also have their choice of horses to ride. So he bets on the best jockeys. And he wins.

How do you plan to win?

When a buddy offered me a copy of Predicting Technology by Thomas E Vass, I was excited. As I'm in new business development, predicting the future of technology would come in extremely handy. Technology drives other innovation. Everything is connected.

Unfortunately, this book was not. Handy, that is. I'm thinking Vass must know what he's talking about, supposedly he is "one of the top 100 private managers in the country." I simply could not understand what he was saying. It is written like a textbook, has 40 pages of attributions to other works, and some of the longest words ever used in business. I also found statements like "Most entrepreneurs come from the ranks of the unemployed, the outsourced, the down-sized and the laid-offs" almost offensive.

Hhhhmmm... well, maybe he's right there. (Grinning) Maybe the reason I can't understand it, is because I'm one of those unemployable ranks (though I seem to land contract gigs quite easily).

But a great lesson from this book is to match your communication with your target market. Accord to Vass' website, this book is targeted to entrepreneurs. Yet most of the suggestions are aimed towards influencing government. It isn't written in a language the average "unemployable" entrepreneur could understand. And it doesn't respect the resource (time) entrepreneurs have least of.

I don't doubt this will be an influential book. I'm simply going to wait for the Vass for Dummies version.

Oh, if anyone else has read this book and could summarize it in everyday English, I would appreciate knowing about it.

Marketing for a small press book launch is usually borne by the author. Actually even if you're with a larger publisher, you likely have to do your own marketing. Publishers are busy promoting the publishing house first and their biggest authors second (you as a first time author, unless you're Bill Clinton, won't qualify).

There is a trade off in marketing. Time vs Money.

There is plenty of free promotion out there. My blog buddies, Single Ma at Fabulous Financials, Nina at QueerCents, Money On My Mind, and Blunt Money, kindly let me guest post for free. I also wrote articles for submission sites and distributed ePress releases. A great part about these free promotions is their permanent nature. The posts will be there until the end of time (or the blog). However, all this cost time (why I've only guest posted at blogs I greatly admire).

On the other side of the spectrum are the paid spots. I paid for banner and cover ads at most of the biggest romance sites. The most effective advertising per dollar (based on traffic)? Hands down, Adwords. A must for any serious site owner.

I did minimal schwag (pens 'cause I lose a lot of pens and figured I might as well lose my own). The main reason was so I had something to contribute to romance convention loot bags, giving back to the community and having an excuse to talk to the influentials organizing the bags.

Is it working? Slowly and not enough to pay back on this first book.

I wrote the book (s), sent them out, and guess what? I got rejected. Over and over and over. Well written but too niche. No one wants business with their romance. Business isn't sexy (yep, I gasped at that one too). Rejection is a huge part of the business (and of life).

You know why Joseph Heller's novel Catch-22 was called that? Because it was rejected 22 times. Alex Hailey, author of Roots, received 200 rejections. Call Of The Wild's Jack London received over 600 rejections. If you want to be a published writer, you will get rejected. Guaranteed.

And then there are the critics. I've been criticized by people who haven't even read the book (they say it is too sexy based on the cover, well, it is sexy but since when are exposed legs too sexy???). I've been told that it must not be good enough for the big publishers (being so niche, it won't sell enough copies for the large publishers, is that the same thing as not good enough?). Oh, and there are a LOT of eBook haters out there (as though offering the novel in that format is my personal vendetta against print).

That's why my Why was so important. When all the negativity beat me down, I revisited it. I enjoyed writing Breach of Trust, nothing could take away that wonderful experience. The extreme reactions proved I was providing a different read for romance lovers. I did expose, based on fan mail, business lessons to non-business people. Check. Check. Check. I accomplished my Why.

The problem with 81% of us wanting to write a book is that very few people will take you seriously when you say you're actually doing it. They immediately slot you into the dreamer category or worse, will gleefully tell you why you'll never make it (very much like entrepreneurship).

No. That's why THEY never made it. It has nothing to do with you.

That's why you need your cheerleaders. I had to recruit and train mine.

I sat my hubby down and said "I'm writing a book. It is important to me. I'm going to be facing a lot of rejection. What I need from you is 100% support. No suggestions. No criticisms. Just 'you can do it, I believe in you,' over and over and over again."

I don't even let my hubby read my novels. I need him to be 100% on my side and that's easier with him not having read the book (because the brain automatically suggests ways it can be better).

Another helpful tactic is to have timelines. My screenwriter brother sends a script out every Christmas. It is more a gift to himself than to others. He knows he has that self imposed deadline. It forces him to produce. I have publishing deadlines now (if I want to hit my 2 books a year) but before that, I'd also tell myself that I need to get book 1 to the critique service by x date. That way, I didn't get stuck in the editing death spiral.

Although Breach Of Trust is 258 pages, the first novel I ever wrote was around 400 pages. I was working full time when I wrote that first novel. Actually more than full time. I was working crazy hours. I was newly married. I had side businesses. Time sucks all over the place.

So how did I do it?

I took the advice of most professional writers and wrote my "quota" a day (mine was 250 words or one page). Good, bad, or brilliant, I wrote that page. If I had extra time/energy, I went back and revised or changed but I always wrote that page. You write a page a day and you'll finish a novel a year. Dream (of writing a book) accomplished. One page a day.

Did I write that page while sitting in complete silence in my home office?

Laughing hysterically. No. No. No. I didn't have that sort of time (remember the working crazy hours part?). I wrote it long hand while sitting on the bus or waiting for the hubby or in line at the grocery store. I kid you not. Why? Because this dream was important to me.

That first book was horrible but I finished it. I never said I'd write a great book, simply that I'd write a book. The second was better. The third even better than that. The fourth was Breach of Trust and my fifth, Invisible, is even better.

Ramit had a great post a while back on how everyone (81% of us) wants to write a book. Well, it has been over a month since my first book launch and over this week, I thought I'd share some of my lessons learned.

Today, I'm covering the Why. Why did I want to write a book? This is important because writing a book and getting it published is a long, rejection-filled process. Without a strong enough why (or better yet, multiple why's), I would have quit along the way and that would have been a waste of any of my time previously invested.

I had multiple why's. I've always enjoyed writing. I loved reading romances and wanted to give back to the community I have taken so much enjoyment from. I noticed the lack of romances about business people who loved being business people and I knew with my experience, I could sneak in real business lessons into the novels (my favorite feedback has been from romance readers who knew nothing about business). This would further my larger goal of helping to educate other women about business (as I was educated by my own mentors).

I was in a great place to test this concept (jury is still out on whether it will be successful though my publisher seems happy with the results). I didn't need the money and could devote the time to promotion.

You see, there isn't a lot of money in writing books. There are some exceptions but those exceptions are usually because the books have been sold to film (like Harry Potter). Money is a poor motivator anyway (for business start ups also). There has to be something bigger.

Are you seeing multiple countries? What we usually do is convert a minimum amount of dollars (enough for at least the first day) into the local currency upon arrival (at the airport). You'll usually get a better exchange than doing this State side. During our stay in the country, we usually will use our bank cards at large, international banks (like HSBC or Barclays). It is easy and the exchange rates usually lower. Then before moving to the next country, we'll convert any leftover currency first. Remember that usually coins can't be converted so spend your change first.

I don't use traveler checks. I do hide money on my person (I always have a U.S. $20 in my bra – if thieves find that, I have bigger problems than losing my cash). However, because we use bank cards, we don't carry a lot of cash.

Do you have to convert to local currency?

Sure, most touristy places will take the American greenback (still, despite all the scare talk). However, they will do so at a premium and expect to get local currency back. Local places like street vendors (yum) and grocery stores (an inexpensive place for souvenirs) will want local currency.

Before we return home, we always convert our currency back to U.S.

We are often told that location, location, location is the most important aspect of real estate. This holds true with travel. Location has a big influence on cost.

Look At All Costs

We were going on a road trip and had a choice between Manhattan and Chicago. The cost of getting there was the same. The meals similar. Then we looked at two things, hotel and parking. Ouch. The cheaper by far (for this specific weekend) was Chicago.

Be Flexible - Location

The hubby and I wanted to do a cruise. We thought… no brainer, the Caribbean would be the cheapest. The flight was shorter and the ports less expensive. No actually. All costs included a week on the Mediterranean was a fraction of the cost. Yes. That shocked both the hubby and myself also.

And the cruise on the Mediterranean is less expensive than a week in Vegas. Again. Who would have thought it?

Be Flexible – Timing

If you're stuck on a certain time, spring break in Florida, NYC for New Years, New Orleans for Mardi Gras, for example, you'll be paying for it. If missing these specific events aren't important to you and you're free and easy time-wise, visit these locations off peak.

Exotic Does Not Mean Better

A buddy was envying my upcoming trip to Venice. She was going on vacation also but to Biloxi. I told her that some of the best vacations I've ever had were closer to home. Exotic does not necessarily mean better.

As I've mentioned, we can look at big pay offs in travel as investors and entrepreneurs but what about making just a bit of extra cash? Maybe enough to pay for the vacation.

The Mule

No, I don't mean a drug mule (that does pay but the risks are too high and the ethics extremely dodgy). My buddies love English chocolate (Cadburys). To buy it here is very expensive. So what I do is every time I go to England, I bring back chocolate and then resell it to my buddies. I do this at cost (trading for favors) but others I know make a profit.

The Travel Blog

I have a travel blog where I post my tips and my photos. I have Adsense up on it. It doesn’t make much money (no real traffic yet) right now, only enough to pay for the domain name ($10 a year). That might be because I don't promote it (just a guess). However, other travel blogs do quite well.

Writing Articles For Magazines

This is why most of my travel buddies make their money. They write freelance articles for magazines, newspapers, and blogs. Before traveling, explore what these different media want (resolution on photos, subjects, etc).

I own shares in a real estate investment trust out West. Being East coast based, I have to mostly 'trust' in virtual and second hand research.

Except when I go on vacation out West.

Then I take the opportunity to check out as many of the properties as possible. Many properties in this specific trust are motels so I can actually stay there. I talk to people. Is it busier than last year? Is management taking care of the place? All those questions a fund manager would ask, I ask.

I do the same with the international companies I'm holding in my portfolio. Only 37% of Coca-Cola's net revenue (excluding bottling investments) comes from North America. If I don’t understand what is happening in these other countries, I shouldn't be investing. Understanding is so much easier when I can see the local markets in action. For Coke, that means strolling down local grocery aisles, watching what the local street vendors are selling, looking for branding.

Some companies also will arrange for plant or office tours for shareholders. Yep, even minor shareholders. I've dropped in on a Coke office in London and spoken to employees there.

My real estate buddies are always on the look out for heating up markets and great deals. Investing overseas directly, however, requires a whole other skill set than locally. Be cautious.

I'm heading into vacation season so I thought I'd talk about one of my favorite topics… travel, this week. When people think about financial posts on travel, they immediately think travel savings. Yes, we'll cover that too, but some of the biggest "wins" from travel come from the revenue side, specifically in new business development (another favorite topic of mine).

Sources Of Ideas

I've gotten some of my best ideas from travel.

For example: Many, many years ago, when I went to England, I saw that character flavored drinking boxes were all the rage. If it was big there, why wouldn't it be big here? So I came home, did more research, and helped launch it (very successfully).

Sources Of Products

Taking it one step further, an entrepreneur could set up an import (or licensing) relationship with the foreign manufacturer.

Sources Of Learning

Whenever I travel, I usually set up meetings or tours with local companies. These could be in my field (when I was in beverage, I toured beverage companies the world over) or outside of it. I'd ask questions of people who if they were local, would be my competition. So if I was working for Coca-Cola, I would talk to the Pepsi people. They were more likely to be open because I was from another country. I would also walk into grocery stores and count facings (the number of product on shelves). I would look at any of the hot toys, products, and trends.

Of course, I'd do my own local research before applying any lessons to my own market but these travel findings helped drive some of my biggest wins.